Hug Twice

That’s what CJ told me today when I asked him what he was doing.

His speech is really coming along.  Sometimes I have to remind myself that he is indeed still delayed and still behind where he should be, because he talks so much more than he did just a few months ago that it seems like he must be all caught up.  But, of course, he is not, as his case conference illustrated.  There are still many areas to work on, besides his inability to pay attention.

I still haven’t completely come to terms with that.  I am happy he will be going back to the same school next year, because he truly loves it and seems to thrive there.  But a part of me was hoping beyond hope that i would go into his conference and someone would say “CJ is far too advanced to qualify for this program next year.”

But no one did.  In fact, in November we’ll visit the idea of doing further psychological testing to make sure he has the help he needs in Kindergarten the following year.

Deep breath.

See, still not completely processing that information.  Me, not him.  I’m not even sure exactly what people want to test him for.  Although I know it must be connected to his not paying attention.  But I was unconsciously afraid to ask I guess, because it never occurred to me to ask until after I left.

I guess I should call his teacher and see her again.

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CJ is just about as under the weather as I am, and last night we were both lying in my bed together watching The Price Is Right on TV.  He likes the big spinning wheel, I found.

I kissed the top of his head and asked him “Are you feeling better, baby?”

And he looked up at me very seriously and said “I not a baby.  I CJ.”

How fast they grow up…

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I am not as big a wuss as I thought.

Because the bad news is, I am sick.  Bah.  It seems I have gotten sick more this past winter/spring than I have my whole life before this.  I even had to have Matt come home from work at lunchtime yesterday and take care of the kids so I could lie in bed and moan.

Although I only moaned for about 14 seconds before I fell asleep for three hours.  That means I really am sick.

Hopefully today will be an improvement.

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I find it easy to convince myself that I am giving 100% even when in reality, I’m not.  I ran into that at taekwondo last night.  I was tired, I hadn’t gotten enough sleep and I found myself not pushing myself very hard during our warmup.  I thought I was trying but really I was just going through the motions and doing the minimum.

So I started talking to myself, reminding myself “100% effort, 100%” and I stepped it up.  But, in my tired state, I then overcompensated for, and pushed myself too hard, therefore feeling bad the rest of class and basically the rest of the night.  If you are beating the 17 year olds at the wind sprints, you are probably going at it too hard and not saving anything for later.  I did break all three of my boards first try with no issue though.  I just need to be able to balance effort with endurance.

Ah, I hate getting old sometimes.  I think I should go take a nap.

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CJ’s favorite place has always been the zoo.  From the first time we took him at just shy of a year old, he had just loved everything about it.  The animals, the paths, wandering at his own pace - he has always been a fan.

And now I am experiencing the problem of being “fair” to my second child.  CJ got to do the zoo at his own pace.  Now, CJ tries to force Alexa to do the zoo at *his* pace.  A common refrain I now hear every time we are there is “I need to go *faster*”.

This weekend, for a while, at the zoo we split up.  Matt and CJ went through  the Indonesia area, while Alexa and I stayed with the ponies and watched them.  Alexa was fascinated with the ponies.  She stared at them, she reached out to them, she loved them.  Then she pulled off a shoe and chewed on that for a while.  Then we started through the Indonesia area backwards, so we would meet Matt and CJ somewhere in the middle.

It was a nice little break.  However, when i take them both myself, I have to balance the “I want to go FASTER” with Alexa’s need to stop at every turn.  So it may not be so relaxing.  Since CJ asks every day to go to the zoo, I somehow doubt we’ll be able to confine it to a weekend-only activity.

But it was nice for a day.

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