It’s Hard To Watch Your Child Be Bullied
Jaimie on Nov 19th 2007
CJ is currently taking a gymnastics class on Friday afternoons. The class is run through the local Parks and Recreation Department, and the list of complaints I have about it is long and varied. But he loves it, and this isn’t about the class itself. Sort of.
There is a lot of downtime (when you have one teacher and 10 3 year olds, it is bound to happen) while the teacher is assisting a single student on a piece of apparatus. This past week was the parallel bars, and after each child had a turn on the parallel bars, they could play with some puzzles while waiting for the the teacher to cycle through all the other kids and get back to them.
3 puzzles. 10 children. You might already see the problem with this.
CJ was one of the first children to have a turn. He loves puzzles, so after using the parallel bars he happily settled in to solve one of the puzzles. Well, after a few kids had gone, the number of puzzles was outnumbered by the number of bored three year olds, including a little girl I will call Pink, since she was wearing pink and I have no idea what her name is. I guess I could call her Bossy Pink.
We watch the class from a balcony above the floor, where we can see and hear everything but it would be hard to actually yell down and interfere with the class because it is hard to get a three year old’s attention. But I watched as Pink went over to CJ, told him he was done and it was her turn, and took the puzzle away from him. He said “My turn” and she said “No” and walked away with the puzzle. CJ walked over to the teacher and said “Puzzles?” and she said “Sure go use the puzzles” and I could see in CJ’s face him trying to figure out how to explain what he was feeling. He walked between Pink and the teacher several times, as the teacher called over to the kids to share but never actually even looked at them, and Pink sternly told CJ she didn’t *need* any help, and I could see CJ on the verge of tears.
I wanted to go downstairs and tell that little girl off. I wanted to interfere SO much, but I know that mommy won’t always be there to help and CJ needs to learn to figure these things out for himself. It was soon CJ’s turn again and Pink eventually went off to cause trouble somewhere else, but I’m still both sad and cranky about the whole thing. It is hard to watch your child be bullied by another. Especially when you know that a little supervision over the class would go a loooong way.
After every class I write a note listing my complaints with the program and turn it in to the school’s suggestion box. I think this week I’m sending a copy to the Parks and Recreation Department as a whole. If CJ didn’t love it so much (despite mean little girls bossing him around) I’d have pulled him out already, even with the no refunds policy.
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10 Responses to “It’s Hard To Watch Your Child Be Bullied”
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We have the same problems with our little girl. She is very small for her age, and she is also very timid. There is a child in our playgroup that feels it’s her mission in life to boss Miss R around and/or hurt her. We have tried working with Miss R so that she can stand up for herself and tell this child to leave her alone or to stop hurting her. So far Miss R has started to voice her compliants, but when push comes to shove, the bully gets whatever it is she is after.
The other day we were at the local McDonalds. The girl’s were on the playstructure together. They were playing fairly nicely for a while. Then Miss R wanted to go back up to the slide, but the bully wanted her to stay down with her. Miss R told the bully that she wanted to go up, the bully said No! and grabbed Miss R’s arm.
By now us mom’s had noticed the conflict. Bully’s mom starts asking bully to let go of R’s arm, as am I, only I am a little firmer about it. Meanwhile Miss R is telling bully No, and to let her go. Finally bully pulls Miss R off the playstructure and onto the floor. Bully got a short talking to by her mom, while Miss R cried in my arms for a about five minutes. After we got home and I took off R’s pants I see that she had gotta a boo-boo on her knee from the incident.
As a mom I am not happy. I feel like bully’s mom should have stepped in sooner, and been firmer with her child. She should have taken her home after the incident if you ask me, that’s what I would have done had it been my child bullying. I am frustrated with my child always getting hurt around this bully child because her parents cannot control her. I want my child to fight back and put bully in her place, so maybe then the bully would leave her alone.
But as you said sometimes you have to let them fight their own fights. Maybe one day CJ and Miss R will be strong enough to not be bullied. We joined Miss R in a Gymkata class where she will learn kicks, punches, and blocks. I am hoping that one day bully will go too far, and her Gymkata training may even the score. Not what a mother is supposed to say, but it’s the truth.
It is really hard. I keep wavering in my head about what I should have done. Ugh.
Argh I detest that gymnastics class and will be very happy when it is over in December. Of course, CJ will *not* be happy at all about that.
I tried CJ in taekwondo but he wasn’t ready for it yet. hopefully after Christmas we’ll try again. Mostly for CJ he needs to develop the verbal skills to fight back though. That will just have to come with time.
Hi J - nice site!
I don’t know if this suggestion will help the situation or just make things worse but would it be possible for you to volunteer to help supervise? I imagine there are some days where all the kids are engaged so you might not be needed but for things like the parallel bars (aren’t they a bit young for that?) it would be a huge help to the instructor to have someone else there to look after the majority of kids that aren’t doing anything.
Mike
LOL Bossy Pink!
Many hugs!
I would love to volunteer to help supervise, if they allowed that, but I have Alexa with me so I have to supervise her and she can’t go out onto the floor.
The actual gymnastics stuff they do is pretty cool. the amount of time they do it - not as cool.
Thanks for contributing this post to this week’s Carnival of Family Life which I am hosting! It is a valuable addition to the Carnival as many parents will relate to your dilemma. I certainly do!
Have you considered hosting the Carnival one week?
Blessings to you and yours this Thanksgiving weekend.