Hug Twice

CJ started riding a regular two wheel bike for the first time today.  With training wheels, so it is really a four wheel bike.  We have had the bike for a while, it was my young cousin’s bike before it was CJ’s and my aunt sent it to us last summer.  I finally got CJ some knee pads and elbow pads today, so he was out riding the bike (helmet too of course but he had that already).  I also got wrist guards but then CJ pointed out to me that with them on, he couldn’t hold the bike’s handles so I had to let go of my broken wrist fear.

One of us had to walk right next to him, because even with the training wheels, he tended to try and tip to one side at first.  But after only a half hour, I hardly ever had to reach out towards him to steady him, so I think he’ll be riding around with his friend M without Mommy standing by pretty soon.

It is so bittersweet, this growing up thing.  And Alexa will be actually pedaling the tricycle in no time, she just needs to grow a tiny bit.  Sniff.

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My boss at taekwondo was here last night with her two kids.  Her computer at the studio is totally infested with viruses, spyware, ad programs… well, it has been invaded.  We are slowly trying to fix it, but we needed to order a number of things for the studio so I invited her to my house to use the internet there.

While we were ordering things, her kids played with my kids, and CJ while running around, knocked his head into the corner of the refrigerator. I didn’t even hear it happen, and he didn’t cry at all, my mom said.  His bangs are long, so no one saw his forehead where it happened until right as my boss and her kids were leaving.

There was a HUGE goose egg on his head.  It completely terrified me.

So I ran out into my driveway carrying him and chased down my boss.  Not because I was upset with her kids or anything, but because her day job?  A family doctor.  She told me signs of a concussion and reassured me he was probably fine.  Thank goodness.

But still… it looks really bad.

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CJ has entered a “testing limits” phase with a vengeance. Tell him not to do something, and he will *almost* do it. Ask him to do something, and he will refuse until he decides the consequence of disobeying is too steep.

This is normal, and I know that. What he doesn’t know, of course, is that it as hard for me to be the bad guy as it is for him to suffer the consequences of his actions. On Sunday we went to the zoo and the park. At the park, he hissed at a little boy (who apparently had growled at him first but I didn’t know that part). CJ learned “hissing” from our cats, and it is something he knows he is not supposed to do under any circumstances. He had previously been warned about it, and that was the last straw. Into the car we went, with him crying and wailing, and we went home. And it broke my heart to do so, but at the same time, the child seems to only remember how to behave if he knows clearly the consequence for not behaving and doesn’t want that to happen.

Sigh.

Hopefully that is the end of his hissing for a while at least. Later at home he came up to me and said he was sorry for the hissing.

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And so it begins.

I have a lot of thoughts I need to stew over about this. CJ has been playing with his friend M from down the street a lot, and M has a lot of things CJ does not. It started with the scooter. And then the Wii. I don’t feel bad that I haven’t given CJ these things exactly, but at the same time I wonder if I am putting him at a social disadvantage. M tried to explain some Mario Kart game to CJ for like 10 minutes and CJ was totally bewildered. Well, actually, I was too. (They weren’t playing the Wii, M wanted CJ to pretend their bikes were karts or something).

Today I broke down and took CJ out to buy a scooter. His early birthday present. Now CJ thinks he should get birthday cake.

But I’m not buying a Wii. I agonized over the scooter in fact, but decided to go forward with it. I’m really struggling with this. Argh. At least the scooter was on sale so I spent $10 less than I planned to. Yay small things.

And on top of that, those school pictures that I had no way of not having taken have shown up, and they are adorable. Now I feel my own internal pressure to buy them. Ugh, marketing.

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That’s what CJ told me today when I asked him what he was doing.

His speech is really coming along.  Sometimes I have to remind myself that he is indeed still delayed and still behind where he should be, because he talks so much more than he did just a few months ago that it seems like he must be all caught up.  But, of course, he is not, as his case conference illustrated.  There are still many areas to work on, besides his inability to pay attention.

I still haven’t completely come to terms with that.  I am happy he will be going back to the same school next year, because he truly loves it and seems to thrive there.  But a part of me was hoping beyond hope that i would go into his conference and someone would say “CJ is far too advanced to qualify for this program next year.”

But no one did.  In fact, in November we’ll visit the idea of doing further psychological testing to make sure he has the help he needs in Kindergarten the following year.

Deep breath.

See, still not completely processing that information.  Me, not him.  I’m not even sure exactly what people want to test him for.  Although I know it must be connected to his not paying attention.  But I was unconsciously afraid to ask I guess, because it never occurred to me to ask until after I left.

I guess I should call his teacher and see her again.

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